5 lessons about in-memory fundraising
This blog is based on a workshop I gave at the Hospice Income Generation Network 2022 Conference.
I’m not here today to share my professional experience. I’m here as a daughter.
My dad Michael died in December 2019, in the Sue Ryder Duchess of Kent hospice in Reading. The experience of switching position from professional fundraiser to family member looking to raise funds in memory of a loved one taught me so much.
Here are five things I learnt about in-memory fundraising when my dad was dying in a hospice.
Lesson 1: Get involved
As a family member visiting every day, I had the opportunity to get to know the nurses and health-care assistants really well. We would catch up over a cuppa in the kitchen area, share updates on Dad’s condition that day. The hospice chaplain often popped in to say hi and offer to say a prayer with my grandmother. We wanted to know everyone involved in Dad’s care, and to feel part of the family.
But the fundraisers worked from a separate office building, and I only remember meeting them once, at a Christmas fair.
How can you get more involved the daily routines of the hospice? Be present, to introduce yourselves to family members and strike up conversation. Can you offer a space in your office for family members to take a break from time at the bedside or get some remote work done?
Remember, people give to people! Spending time building relationships with family members will have a big impact when they start to think about in-memory fundraising.
Lesson 2: Don’t feel awkward when talking about death
Before my parents died, I had no idea how to talk to legacy and in-memory donors. I was terrified of saying the wrong thing. I would agonise over each email and spend ages drafting a redrafting a simple message of condolence or a thank you.
Now I know that people who are grieving want to talk about their loved ones. We are desperate to share their story with others, and above all to have a positive impact in the world to honour their memory. Of course, this is a very personal, individual choice. My advice would be to follow the lead of the person grieving. If they bring up the person they have lost, they don’t want you to ignore it! Nothing feels more isolating than the wall of silence that meets you when you say the name of someone who has died.
If you feel uncomfortable talking to people about death or their grief, I would really recommend following some grief support social media accounts: @tnncharity, @60postcards, @goodmourningpodcast, @griefkid, @goodgrieffestival, @thegriefgang, @griefnetwork.
Lesson 3: We want to give - make it as easy as possible!
When someone we love is dying, we feel completely out of control. Our world has shrunk and we feel powerless to influence the world.
Giving allows us to take back some control, to feel that the smallest amount of good can come from one of the worst times of our life.
We want to give – you need to make it as easy as possible!
Make sure there are fundraising leaflets in reception, in the kitchen. Tell me about all the different ways to give.
Have you got a memory wall or installation? Tell me how I can have my dad’s name included.
We received so much kindness during dad’s stay – homemade blankets knitted by volunteers, cakes brought in by visitors. Tell me how I can pay forward that kindness to the next family who will be in our place.
Friends and family want to donate in honour of someone who has just died, and online fundraising sites are a popular way to do this. Tell me about a specialist service like Much Loved, which has good in-memory fundraising functionality.
Lesson 4: Keep in touch
Personalised touch points are a lovely way to keep in touch. Don’t worry about upsetting us by sending an email on the death anniversary – there’s no chance that we are not aware of it.
Significant milestones like birthdays (mine and theirs), Mother’s Day and Father’s Day, the anniversary of diagnosis, and of death are all days that remind me of my parents. Friends and family will send me a message of support, a text to let me know they’re thinking of me. You can do that too, signpost to counselling services, let me know that the hospice team remember my dad and are thinking of him on his anniversary.
Lesson 5: Harness donor loyalty for a lifetime of support
When a loved one has died in a hospice, the sense of connection to that place will last as long as the grief – forever. I will always support the Duchess of Kent hospice. With such a strong foundation of potential donor loyalty, your job as a fundraiser is to harness this and make the most of it.
Transform from a charity I support amongst others to a charity I will support no matter what
Personalise communications and mention my Dad by name
Address your communications from frontline staff - people who I’ll remember from our time at the hospice will connect more than the Chief Executive or Head of Fundraising
Don’t treat me in silos – I might give a regular gift, attend an event, volunteer and do a fundraising challenge
Do you or your team need training on in-memory fundraising? Do you want support drawing up an in-memory fundraising strategy? Drop us a line on hello@rootsandwings.org for a free no-obligation chat about how we can help.